No Cookie Cutters

Hello Parents,

Beware of trying to standardize your child.  From the get go, all children get stood up against criteria for a “normal range” and your child fits in or doesn’t. If they aren’t inside the standard range, then there is a PROBLEM.  

We are encouraged to compare our children all the time. We buy books of expectations which tell us when babies are meant to first smile (6 weeks) and rollover (4 months).  When they don’t do it on time, we are distressed. Something might be wrong. We worry about what that might mean, and what we could do about it – can you make a baby smile? Maybe they are feeling a bit serious? 😅

When children who have experienced trauma show up in our care, often without realizing it, we go to work standing them up against an imaginary “normal” and our children fall short every time.

Often by the time parents come to me, they have taken their children everywhere they can think of to find out why they aren’t measuring up and to find out what is wrong with them.  Every parent thinks, consciously or not, that finding out what is wrong will lead to fixing them, making them normal.  That follows, but it is where most parents of traumatized children are wrong.  Following traditional logic got you here and it won’t get you to loving your life while effectively parenting your children.

Why are trauma kids falling so short then?

Easy: Complex Developmental Trauma, that’s why.  Does that mean something is wrong with them?   Well, that means something happened to them, and we have to help them heal from it.

What is lost for all children, especially for traumatized children, is the room and the grace to develop, grow, and become who they are meant to be in their own right and in their own  time as they are ready.  We don’t tell enough stories about the winding paths all of our children are on, how they grow in fits and spurts, and how they are recursive in their development--never a straight line. This is being beautifully diverse and wonderfully unique.  Never, are our children standardized, one size fits all, cookie cutters. 

It's true that therapeutic parenting for your traumatized child now will save you some headaches down the road.  The truly fabulous thing about therapeutic parenting is that practicing parents are always giving their children grace, space, and meeting them wherever they are emotionally and cognitively at any given moment.

Love Matters,

❤️Ce

P.S. Register to jump on the  VIP Priority list here for my upcoming FREE Masterclass on Complex Developmental Trauma.

📖 Get your copy of Drowning with My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman

✨ Hear the Success Stories: LoveMattersParenting.com

🎧 Listen to my podcast: Unmuted Love with Ce Eshelman at your favorite place to listen.

🔍 Check out my websites: LoveMattersParenting.com and AttachPlace.com

🧐 Check out my blog: https://www.lovemattersparenting.com/blog

👉 Check out my Social:

🔹YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@CeEshelman

🔹 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lovemattersparenting

🔹 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lovemattersparenting